The exam results are out... I passed everything. Thank God...

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EXAM RESULTS FOR 0003152F
CMSK4: B
ENMM: C
BBMMP (Major Project) : C
MBDP (Mobile Programming) : B
RESULT: P
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You've run so long and so hard. You gave it all you had at the last lap. And at what you think is the end of the race, you see people getting warmed up for the next event... Nothing has changed. You've not gotten out of the water, you've just barely stayed afloat. Whats the point of studying? Getting a diploma? Getting a job? Working for the next two thirds of your life? Its basically keeping yourself occupied while waiting for death isn't it?

But thats not what you feel when you're having fun? Its only when you're lonely and bored that you start to think of all these things? So whats the remedy? Occupy yourself so that you have no time to think. Busy yourself each hour of the day so that when you finish one task the other starts. Even better if you can have the new task come before you finish the one you're currently doing. This way you can be sure that there are no thoughts that can sneak through. Make sure you exhaust yourself during the course of the day too... So that you're out once your head hits the pillow...

But sooner or later... You've got to realise that you can't keep doing that. You can't keep ignoring the inevitable... Cos whether you choose to or not, questions will come. For me I think I know whats the matter... Life has its highs and lows... When its low, I try to spend more time with God. Then when its high, everything's great and you sort of neglect reading the Word. I lose 'momentum'. Not that I don't talk to God or I ignore Him completely. Just that my 'feeding' ceases. And then I run out of fuel...

I'm so afraid of change... So afraid of mistakes. But I know who's carrying me through. Cos I've gone through change before. Its not so bad... Because there's a hope that drives me forward. This fear is like a handbrake thats not released. You are going somewhere. but not as fast or as efficiently as you could.